By Emily Merrell
Dating can be a full-time job. Between swiping to find matches, awkward small talk and the actual process of dating – with the possibility of ending up back at the drawing board – it can be a lot. Imagine if there was a person that was in your corner who taught you how to date better? Enter Lily Womble. After years as a matchmaker, Lily is now one of NYC’s most prestigious dating coaches. She founded the company Date Brazen that helps women swipe with intention. She offers one-on-one coaching and a monthly membership. We’d swipe right on Lily!
SDS: You’re a NYC dating coach. Tell us how Date Brazen differs from a matchmaker?
LILY WOMBLE: I was one of the top matchmakers at the largest firm in the country. But I broke up with the industry because I found that date coaching was the long-term fix many of my clients needed. After matching hundreds, I realized that with coaching, women could match themselves better than any professional ever could. Now my mission is to share matchmaking tools with women who want to trade in their dating anxiety for a secure, purposeful and fulfilled dating life.
SDS: Why do men and women need a dating coach?
LW: The truth is that even though we have more tools than ever to date, the dating landscape has never been harder to navigate. Whether you’re anxious that the sort of person you desire isn’t possible, feel frustrated by the time-suck of swiping, or feel constantly overwhelmed, dating is hard for everyone.
A dating coach is like a trainer to reach your romantic goals. You know when a trainer tells you everything you need to be in the strongest shape of your life? The follow through is where we get stuck. Without accountability and real-time support we’re unlikely to make progress. That’s where I come in.
SDS: What is your favorite part of helping women with their dating life?
My favorite success stories aren’t necessarily when someone finds a relationship. My favorite thing about this work is that I get to see women start to trust their intuition, feel confidence to put themselves out there in new ways and develop boundaries to fiercely represent themselves in their dating lives. All of this work leads to better dates and more joy along the way.
LW: What do you think the biggest challenges are for dating in NYC?
Two words, cognitive overload. Basically, you’re overwhelmed by dating for a good reason: our brains literally can’t handle all the options. This is why we see so much ghosting and countless first dates. It’s our response to having unlimited options.
Dating apps are designed to bring thousands of options to your fingertips, and conventional wisdom says the more you try, the more opportunities you have to find a relationship. The “dating is a numbers game” myth is running the NYC dating scene, but that approach doesn’t actually work for most people. Treating dating like a numbers game guarantees cognitive overload, meaning dissatisfaction and burnout.
The solution? Swipe as little as possible. Try putting the app down before you get overwhelmed. You’re not for the many, you’re for the few. Try swiping like it.
SDS: Can you tell us about “swipe with intention” and what the best dating sites are in NYC for swiping to find love?
LW: ‘Swipe With Intention’ is our monthly workshop in NYC where I take women through the foundational practices of finding more IRL love through swiping. One of the things we cover is finding the best dating app for you.
The truth is, there’s no perfect dating app. The key is to choose a dating app that works best with your personality and dating needs. For example, do you get overwhelmed easily by endless swiping? Do you hate unsolicited messages? Use this information to choose only one dating app, delete the rest from your phone and only swipe for a set amount of time a week. You’ll have fewer matches, but you’ll only be talking to people you actually are interested in.